Bertha and Gertrude are your friends.
Bertha bullies Gertrude, gets a gang of her friends to do the same. This gang decides to make it their mission in life to destroy Gertrude. They cause her all kinds of harm.
Bertha hasn't bullied you, but she isn't your closest friend, either. In fact, she barely acknowledges your existence.
Gertrude, however, is there for you. She treats you like gold. She invites you into her closest circle of friends. She gives you advice, promotes your spiritual growth, helps you in every way possible.
You stay friends with Bertha, but truthfully, if you stopped being friends with her she wouldn't even notice. Gertrude says nothing about it, because she's not going to tell you who you can be friends with.
But, have you ever stopped to think of how Gertrude must feel?
She is a true friend. She is the one who helps you, comforts you, supports you, treats you well. She's being beaten up regularly by Bertha and her gang. They've gone out of their way to slander her, libel her, bully her in every way possible. She keeps going, but she gets weary to the point of feeling like giving up. Gertrude seeks counsel, and is given some clear indications of what she needs to do to make things right again.
Gertrude begins to realize that she needs more than 6 degrees of separation between herself and these bullies. She lets her closest friends know that pretty soon, she's going to begin walking away from people who are friends with Bertha. She has to do this for her own good. She can't keep on letting herself get beat up this way. This isn't who she is. In trying to be the bigger person, Gertrude has allowed herself to be vulnerable to the point of victimhood.
Gertrude realizes that she can't keep being a friend to people who don't return her loyalty. If Bertha were beating up on you, Gertrude would be your staunchest ally and supporter. She'd be fighting them on your behalf, and would never be friends with Bertha and her gang if this is how Bertha treated you.
So, you come to Gertrude's clubhouse and she let's you and the rest of the club know that pretty soon, she's going to be dropping friends who support Bertha and her gang. She has to do this for her own good, and it's nothing personal to any of you. You know you are one of the people Gertrude is addressing.
The next day, you come to the clubhouse and you sing Bertha's praises to the club. This is Gertrude's safe zone. Her place to be with her closest friends, share secrets, joys, heartaches, etc... when she tells you that Bertha has done nothing but cause her harm, you minimize it by saying you vaguely remember something about that but it isn't your problem.
Gertrude leaves the club. She just can't take anymore of this. The clubhouse is no longer safe for her. With friends like this, Gertrude certainly doesn't need enemies. She would rather be alone than continue to allow herself to be minimized, victimized and treated like the bad guy when she's done nothing wrong. She knows she's a good friend, and she knows the truth.
So, who's the bad guy in this story? Is it Bertha? Gertrude? You?
Now, take this out of a real world scenario and replace it all with social media instead. It's a lot easier to see this as a no-brainer when it's a real-world scenario.
But, when it's online, do you do friendship differently? How often have you seen a Bertha and Gertrude issue and determined that you were just going to "remain neutral"? You just want to have fun and avoid the drama. Gertrude's issues with Bertha aren't YOUR problem.
But, in truth, there's always a choice. By not taking sides, you've totally made a choice. By minimizing bullying, you've sided with the bully. By sticking your head in the sand, you make a choice. When someone like Gertrude treats you well, is loyal to you, do you not feel any need to return that loyalty? Bertha won't miss you. And, after awhile, neither will Gertrude. Because, in the end, Gertrude deserves to have an equal exchange of energies. She deserves to have her loyalty returned. She deserves to have good friends who have no ties with those who would bully others.
If you find yourself in Gertrude's position, set your boundaries and keep them. Don't continue to be the "bigger person" and try to move on from this. You'll continue to be bullied until you separate yourself from these people completely. You deserve to have friends who return your friendship in kind. Stay strong and know that there ARE good people who will be there for you.
If you are a Bertha, know that you will eventually be seen for who you are, and your time in the limelight will diminish.
If you find yourself fence-riding between the two, you may also find that you sit alone and friendless one day.
Something to think about.
Bertha bullies Gertrude, gets a gang of her friends to do the same. This gang decides to make it their mission in life to destroy Gertrude. They cause her all kinds of harm.
Bertha hasn't bullied you, but she isn't your closest friend, either. In fact, she barely acknowledges your existence.
Gertrude, however, is there for you. She treats you like gold. She invites you into her closest circle of friends. She gives you advice, promotes your spiritual growth, helps you in every way possible.
You stay friends with Bertha, but truthfully, if you stopped being friends with her she wouldn't even notice. Gertrude says nothing about it, because she's not going to tell you who you can be friends with.
But, have you ever stopped to think of how Gertrude must feel?
She is a true friend. She is the one who helps you, comforts you, supports you, treats you well. She's being beaten up regularly by Bertha and her gang. They've gone out of their way to slander her, libel her, bully her in every way possible. She keeps going, but she gets weary to the point of feeling like giving up. Gertrude seeks counsel, and is given some clear indications of what she needs to do to make things right again.
Gertrude begins to realize that she needs more than 6 degrees of separation between herself and these bullies. She lets her closest friends know that pretty soon, she's going to begin walking away from people who are friends with Bertha. She has to do this for her own good. She can't keep on letting herself get beat up this way. This isn't who she is. In trying to be the bigger person, Gertrude has allowed herself to be vulnerable to the point of victimhood.
Gertrude realizes that she can't keep being a friend to people who don't return her loyalty. If Bertha were beating up on you, Gertrude would be your staunchest ally and supporter. She'd be fighting them on your behalf, and would never be friends with Bertha and her gang if this is how Bertha treated you.
So, you come to Gertrude's clubhouse and she let's you and the rest of the club know that pretty soon, she's going to be dropping friends who support Bertha and her gang. She has to do this for her own good, and it's nothing personal to any of you. You know you are one of the people Gertrude is addressing.
The next day, you come to the clubhouse and you sing Bertha's praises to the club. This is Gertrude's safe zone. Her place to be with her closest friends, share secrets, joys, heartaches, etc... when she tells you that Bertha has done nothing but cause her harm, you minimize it by saying you vaguely remember something about that but it isn't your problem.
Gertrude leaves the club. She just can't take anymore of this. The clubhouse is no longer safe for her. With friends like this, Gertrude certainly doesn't need enemies. She would rather be alone than continue to allow herself to be minimized, victimized and treated like the bad guy when she's done nothing wrong. She knows she's a good friend, and she knows the truth.
So, who's the bad guy in this story? Is it Bertha? Gertrude? You?
Now, take this out of a real world scenario and replace it all with social media instead. It's a lot easier to see this as a no-brainer when it's a real-world scenario.
But, when it's online, do you do friendship differently? How often have you seen a Bertha and Gertrude issue and determined that you were just going to "remain neutral"? You just want to have fun and avoid the drama. Gertrude's issues with Bertha aren't YOUR problem.
But, in truth, there's always a choice. By not taking sides, you've totally made a choice. By minimizing bullying, you've sided with the bully. By sticking your head in the sand, you make a choice. When someone like Gertrude treats you well, is loyal to you, do you not feel any need to return that loyalty? Bertha won't miss you. And, after awhile, neither will Gertrude. Because, in the end, Gertrude deserves to have an equal exchange of energies. She deserves to have her loyalty returned. She deserves to have good friends who have no ties with those who would bully others.
If you find yourself in Gertrude's position, set your boundaries and keep them. Don't continue to be the "bigger person" and try to move on from this. You'll continue to be bullied until you separate yourself from these people completely. You deserve to have friends who return your friendship in kind. Stay strong and know that there ARE good people who will be there for you.
If you are a Bertha, know that you will eventually be seen for who you are, and your time in the limelight will diminish.
If you find yourself fence-riding between the two, you may also find that you sit alone and friendless one day.
Something to think about.