I've learned a lot from this decidedly intense retrograde. I was let go from my job on the first day of the retrograde. What the Rx did for me was to remove me from the toxicity of a job that I had suffered through for at least the last two years of a five and a half year stint. It also gave me the opportunity to truly be introspective and release the situations, habits, and mindset that had held the "real me" captive for awhile.
I realized just how negatively I had been thinking and acting and behaving; and it all stemmed from my employment there. The culture was one of catching people doing things wrong, lack of leadership and direction, and a truly toxic place for anyone who didn't fit into their mold.
I also had the opportunity during the past three weeks to really look at what I want to do with the rest of my time here. I asked myself what I really want to do, what fits me, what makes me blissful (thank you, Joseph Campbell) and what do I want to leave behind when I go? And, I realized that I don't really like corporate culture. I like the offbeat, the arcane, doing things my own way and doing something that contributes to the betterment of the world, the planet, etc...
I haven't felt any sustained fear of loss, or worry that this wasn't the best thing for me. I've known that this was for my highest good, and if I just trust in the process, this is all going to be great.
My family and friends have been tremendously supportive, and I've truly appreciated this time- something I've never really done during an intense Mercury Rx before.
So, on this last day of Rx, I find that I'm completely at peace and excited for my new adventure.
I spoke with the unemployment commission this morning and was told that all is well and that my former employer said that I did the job to the best of my ability and it was through no fault of my own that I was let go, so all is well in my world there.
I've applied to my local college for acceptance, ordered transcripts from my former university, ordered my transcript from the IRS (something you have to do now in order to get financial aid) and am going to apply tomorrow for FAFSA. I plan to go back to school and get a degree in something I love and simply work a job that will pay the bills while I go to school. I've supported my kids and family through to adulthood, and now have the ability to take a lower-paying (perhaps even part time) job to make ends meet while I pursue something better.
I'm also in a very real, very positive mindset and am open to good things. I've been eliminating the negative influences, and am very careful about what I read, with whom I interact and what I feed my mind and spirit right now. I think that's really important for me to get where I want to be. My ranting days may just be over, folks.
And, that's okay.
I'm much more interested in seeking out the bliss, the joy and the fulfillment that comes from finding the greatness in others (and in the world), than in finding the flaws. Oh, I may occasionally have to post something that educates in a way that looks a bit ranty. I am sure you'll forgive me there, right? But, for right this minute, I'm going to stay present and positive and look forward to good things that I know are coming.
So, thank you, Mercury Retrograde. I've learned a lot, and I hope that I can retain this lesson and how I handled it so when you come around again, I won't be dreading it so much. I can't say I hope to see you soon just yet, but I do appreciate what you've taught me while you were here. I am grateful, and that is what matters to me right now.
