Moonday Musings: How my Herculean family member overcame a monster- and you can, too!

Hercules and Pallas

Hercules by Wraithdt

  Hercules, once journeying along a narrow roadway, came across a strange-looking animal that reared its head and threatened him. Nothing daunted, the hero gave him a few lusty blows with his club, and thought to have gone on his way. The monster, however, much to the astonishment of Hercules, was now three times as big as it was before, and of a still more threatening aspect. He thereupon redoubled his blows and laid about him fast and furiously; but the harder and quicker the strokes of the club, the bigger and more frightful grew the monster, and now completely filled up the road. Pallas then appeared upon the scene. "Stop, Hercules," said she. "Cease your blows. The monster's name is Strife. Let it alone, and it will soon become as little as it was at first."

Moral: "Strife feeds on conflict."

I know you know this is true. You were in a group of friends; conflict arose. People parted ways, vowing to never speak again. But, some folks couldn't let it go. They just had to keep sniping, had to keep the war going. One side continued to badmouth the other, and the other felt the need to defend themselves, which caused the first side to retaliate. Then defend. Then retaliate.... and on and on and on it went. You may have been a bystander, or you were on one of those sides. After awhile, you just got weary of the whole thing. You may have been weary of it from the start. Regardless, there you were.. standing there with all of this just building and building and getting worse and worse, with no end in sight.

It's happened to me, too. It's happened to my family members. Just the other day, I had to counsel a loved-one on this very issue. She had been in a row with some friends last summer, and they parted ways. She moved on to focus on other things, but the other side just couldn't let her go that easily. They would find things to pick at her about. Not directly, mind you, but the minute her back was turned to walk away, they would rear up and strike, and she would turn around and lash back out to finish them off- only.. it never goes that way, does it? No, it just grows and grows and gets so big that it seems to block out the very sun.

If you find yourself in this situation, I highly recommend taking Pallas's advice. Just stop fighting it. Stop letting the sniping get to you. Strife will always feed on conflict. Those who are unwilling to walk away from the past will be doomed to live in it. But, you don't have to be one of them.

I asked my family member to look over her accomplishments in the last 10 months; to write them down, and then review them. She was amazed at what she had achieved. She has grown so much over this past almost-year. She has focused on new goals, made new friends, taken on so many new responsibilities and seen tons of new successes.

Quote by Steve Maraboli

She has a new five-year plan, so I asked her, "Will continuing to defend yourself here, against these people,  get you to your five-year goal?" She responded with, "No." I said, "What will you be able to do with the insults that are thrown at you? Can you pay your bills with those?" She said, "No, absolutely not." And, her paradigm shifted.

When she then took a moment to review where the "other side" was, she saw that they were still where they were a year ago. Still sniping, still bragging about being horrible people, still solely focused on her destruction, and that of those around her that they have not grown one bit. They are not seeing successes, and in fact, have been hit with quite a few challenges that should have been a clue for them to stop obsessing on her, and get their own lives in order. When she realized where she was in that respect, she had no need to run all the way back down the road to pick up her sword and defend that position. They were still stuck at that same point, and were losing ground fast.  She could now come all the way back to the path she had forged for herself, and realize that these people couldn't even be seen in her rearview mirror.

And, she let go.

It was that easy. She just let it go, and walked away, and you could see the burden lifted in her life. The pain was gone, she was light and free.. and the monster was diminishing more and more each second, because there was nothing there to feed it.

If you find yourself in my family member's shoes, take a cue from her and just keep focused on your life's purpose and goals. If you haven't set them yet, then forget about the strife, and look down the path. Where would you like to go? What new things would you like to experience? What do you want to do that contributes to your growth as a human being? How will you serve the planet, and others who live on it? In what way can you leave a legacy behind that says the world is better off for you having been in it?


Now, go do those things.


Sláinte,
Kallan



P.S. To my family member who agreed to let me share her story- I am SO proud of you!!!