The Eagle, the Cat, and the Wild Sow
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| Gustav Dore |
AN EAGLE made her nest at the top of a lofty oak; a Cat, having found a convenient hole, moved into the middle of the trunk; and a Wild Sow, with her young, took shelter in a hollow at its foot. The Cat cunningly resolved to destroy this chance-made colony.
To carry out her design, she climbed to the nest of the Eagle, and said, "Destruction is preparing for you, and for me too, unfortunately. The Wild Sow, whom you see daily digging up the earth, wishes to uproot the oak, so she may on its fall seize our families as food for her young."
Having thus frightened the Eagle out of her senses, she crept down to the cave of the Sow, and said, "Your children are in great danger; for as soon as you go out with your litter to find food, the Eagle is prepared to pounce upon one of your little pigs."
Having instilled these fears into the Sow, she went and pretended to hide herself in the hollow of the tree. When night came she went forth with silent foot and obtained food for herself and her kittens, but feigning to be afraid, she kept a lookout all through the day.
Meanwhile, the Eagle, full of fear of the Sow, sat still on the branches, and the Sow, terrified by the Eagle, did not dare to go out from her cave. And thus they both, along with their families, perished from hunger, and afforded ample provision for the Cat and her kittens. ~Aesop’s Fables
This sad story is a timeless illustration of gossip, strife-stirring and poor communication. I don't know too many folks who haven't been the victim of a person like the cat in this story. Many times, we tend to quickly trust those who move into our lives, particularly in the online community. Most of us are taught to be kind and generous to those around us. Most of us try to live by some type of honor code. We look at others through the same lens we see ourselves.
We're hard-wired to read body language, and without that, we're oftentimes lost in translation through the interwebs. Text needs connotation, emotion, and we need the ability to read between the lines. We're also taught, in the western world particularly, to trust hard facts versus our own intuition, so we ignore those internal red flags when someone behaves in a way that raises them. Generally speaking, we want to trust others.
Unfortunately, we also tend to listen when someone comes along who 'only has our best interests at heart'; we want to believe him/her. The eagle and the sow were living perfectly well in peace together until the cat came along. Note that the cat didn't just want to stir up strife... there is always an agenda.
I once watched a very insidious 'cat person' who infiltrated a group to which I belonged. She spread maliciousness throughout the group with insidious rumors, whispers behind the scenes, and then finally destroyed the group by making an accusation against "someone" in the group without calling out a name. She claimed she wanted that person to come forward and confess to her accusation or she would eventually call them out. This ended the group. They had already been through so much (a lot of which came from her behind-the-scenes workings) that they couldn't withstand one more thing... and, it destroyed friendships, trust and love that, prior to her arrival, had once been strong and beautiful.
What was her motivation? No one could totally be sure, but she's a "writer"... speculation was that she stirred these things up for observation-purposes and fodder for her "fiction" (I use these quotations because her writing is puerile, at best). Those who've had some psychological training have said that she may have borderline personality disorder. Who knows? What's clear is that destructive people like this do exist, and your best interests are the furthest thing from their mind and heart.
What could the owl and the sow have done differently to prevent their own demise? Here is some advice:
1. Listen to your intuition. You'll get a 'feeling' about someone if you allow that to shine through. It might take awhile to recognize it over the internet, so take those friendships slowly. Observe behaviors carefully. If someone takes you into his/her confidence early, that's a red flag. Usually, that confidence is gossip about someone else.
2. Squelch gossip in its tracks. When someone comes to you with "did you hear what so-and-so said about you? (or Mary, Joseph, Ebenezer, etc..)," shut them down with "What that person thinks of me is none of my business." If it's in reference to Mary, Joseph or Eb, then simply say, "I don't want to know. It's not my business." Or, as Loren and I like to say, "Not my circus; not my monkey." SHUT.THEM.DOWN. You'll feel so much better than allowing that icky, creepy, dross to accumulate on your soul.
3. Communicate. If this person who "has your best interests at heart" insists that you absolutely need to know what so-and-so is doing behind your back, then confront so-and-so, gently.. you may find that so-and-so is completely innocent, did nothing to harm you, but was also told that YOU were the perpetrator against him/her! In this way, you kill off assumption and expectation (two of the faces of Mulengro), and expose this "cat" for who he/she really is.
The moral of this story? Never trust a strife-stirrer and a gossip should be seen and not heard.
Have you experienced someone like this in your life? How did you handle the situation?
Bring your answers to the discussion in the comments section. I look forward to seeing your responses!
Sláinte,
Kallan