I'm a fan of Oprah Winfrey. I've been around since she was just starting in syndication as a talk-show host, and she got her start in tv on a local Baltimore station, so it's been fun to watch her rise to the kind of success she enjoys today. Iyanla Vanzant is also a strong woman who is teaching others how to heal themselves.
In this particular episode, she and Iyanla were discussing the ways that women sabotage each other.
Here's a clip:
This really struck me, because it's something many of us women complain about in others, but how much do we see of this in ourselves? Some really profound statements came out of this episode for me.
This is something I've always believed strongly in doing. It's why I shamelessly plug people in The Sunday Stew, and one of the reasons for doing Samhain's Sirens each October. I'm not big on "competition" in the sense that we generally learn it in Western society. You and I might both be tarot readers, but that doesn't mean that there can be only one. Each of us brings a unique gift with us to the world. There will never be another person exactly like you, or exactly like me. I want to see you succeed, because success feels amazing.
Too often, we women are conditioned that there is only one "Queen Bee" in the hive. Iyanla said:
We women tend to think in Highlander mentality and compete with others for attention. Iyanla discussed the fact that women feel that they have to cut another woman down in order to be "deserving" of the attention and success as a result.
I believe this is how the "Mean Girls" mentality begins in junior high/middle school and continues on through the rest of our lives.
I also believe that the Queen-Among-Queens theory is valid. I think the cure is the idea of "Namaste"- The God/dess in me recognizes the God/dess in you. I do not have to view you as someone I do not like or agree with or must compete with because we are both carriers of Spirit/God/Goddess and we can simply acknowledge that equal playing field.
Check this clip out:
A couple of quotes that really stood out for me in this clip:
Those of us who are witches understand the power of the word, particular that which is spoken. But, have we ever stopped to consider the damage we do to ourselves when we gossip about one another? The reasons why we do it are difficult to acknowledge. We want power, we want attention, we want to feel important. Those are hard truths to recognize.
What I loved most was what Oprah said at the end of the clip:
This is something else I've noticed in life. Those who are truly doing good in the world and are focused on their own growth, really just don't have time to worry about the business of others like that. They tend to be much more polite, kind, and genuinely interested in helping people rather than criticizing. At the end of the day, I'd rather be a contributor than a criticizer.
All in all, what I learned most was that each relationship brings us a life lesson about our own growth. Here's the most profound clip for me:
I don't know about you, but this struck home for me, and I felt a release from a lot of past relationships by realizing that, in many ways, I'm on the right track. I hope this Musing helped you in some way, too.
My beloved sisters, I love you. I will be working on me and supporting you. Let me know how I can do that for you.
Slainte',
K