I am confounded when people with whom I've parted ways as friends can't seem to let go, and feel the need to badmouth me, criticize me and generally vilify me at every turn. I'm sure you've been there at some point in your life as well.
Everything is fine at first. You may have even known deep down from the beginning that the person was damaged or that they might have some issues, but you overlook them and try your best to be a friend. Life moves along and you get to know this person a little better, still perhaps seeing flaws more clearly, but overall, you like him/her.
Then, something happens. Perhaps it isn't even something you did that sparks it. But, this person has some kind of implosion or explosion that makes it clear to you that you just cannot continue with the friendship. So, you walk away. You end it for your own sanity, if for no other reason (you should ALWAYS be your own best friend).
The person then begins what seems to be a never-ending series of attacks on you... they stalk your FB page, your social media, your blog, et al.. looking for any opportunity to use a word, a blog post, an article you share, anything against you as fodder. You shake your head, you actually feel a little sorry for them, and then you wonder, "Why the hell am I so damned important in this person's life?"
I've had a few of those, particularly within the last year.
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
I'm reminded of the tale of the scorpion and the frog, where the scorpion asks the frog to carry him across the river on his back because the scorpion can't swim. The frog is skeptical because he knows the scorpion's sting will kill him. The scorpion promises that no harm will come to the frog, so the frog agrees. Halfway across the river, the frog suddenly feels a sharp sting in his back and, out of the corner of his eye, sees the scorpion remove his stinger from the frog's back. A deadening numbness begins to creep into his limbs.
"You fool!" croaks the frog, "Now we shall both die! Why on earth did you do that?" The scorpion shrugs, and does a little jig on the drowning frog's back.
"I could not help myself. It is my nature." Then they both sink into the muddy waters of the swiftly flowing river.
That is the very definition of self-sabotage.
And, I knew. I knew the people to whom I refer were scorpions when I met them. Yet, I ignored the warning signs and tried to just accept them for who they were... which is what I believe all friends should do.
Like the frog, I disregarded my intuition. I paid for it with stings in the back. While, I didn't drown, they certainly did enough damage that I chose to walk away and leave them there.
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.In true Aquarian fashion, if I don't want to be your friend anymore, I just end it. And, I really won't think about you anymore, unless someone brings you up or something happens that causes my attention to be forcibly drawn to you for some reason. I don't hold onto anger and grudges. I move on and forget- not for your sake, but for my own. My mother always said, "Life is too short to be miserable." I'm not going to be miserable just to make someone else happy.
These people were all out of my life by August of last year. I should never have BEEN that important to them at any time in their lives; and certainly not nearly 6 months later.
Misattributed to Einstein, Twain and Ben Franklin, the definition of insanity is "repeating the same behavior and expecting different results."
I realize that it is human nature to badmouth former friends, lovers, etc... and gossip is a tasty treat for many. I'm just not going to do it. Those with whom I'm no longer friends are just that. They don't have some insider information on me that makes it all juicy and delicious. I'm not pretending to be something I'm not, and I'm going to continue to just move forward with my life. I'm not going to badmouth them, point them out, make fun of them, reveal secrets shared between us when we were friends, stalk their pages, or look for ways to diminish them. I have no need nor desire to lower myself to that level.
They are human beings with families, hopes, desires, dreams, loves, and losses... just like me; just like you. While I no longer wish to associate with them, that does not mean I wish them harm. I simply believe that in a world with over 7 billion people, we don't all have to be best buddies to be respectful of one another. I hope someday, they can see it that way, too.
Everything is fine at first. You may have even known deep down from the beginning that the person was damaged or that they might have some issues, but you overlook them and try your best to be a friend. Life moves along and you get to know this person a little better, still perhaps seeing flaws more clearly, but overall, you like him/her.
Then, something happens. Perhaps it isn't even something you did that sparks it. But, this person has some kind of implosion or explosion that makes it clear to you that you just cannot continue with the friendship. So, you walk away. You end it for your own sanity, if for no other reason (you should ALWAYS be your own best friend).
The person then begins what seems to be a never-ending series of attacks on you... they stalk your FB page, your social media, your blog, et al.. looking for any opportunity to use a word, a blog post, an article you share, anything against you as fodder. You shake your head, you actually feel a little sorry for them, and then you wonder, "Why the hell am I so damned important in this person's life?"
I've had a few of those, particularly within the last year.
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
I'm reminded of the tale of the scorpion and the frog, where the scorpion asks the frog to carry him across the river on his back because the scorpion can't swim. The frog is skeptical because he knows the scorpion's sting will kill him. The scorpion promises that no harm will come to the frog, so the frog agrees. Halfway across the river, the frog suddenly feels a sharp sting in his back and, out of the corner of his eye, sees the scorpion remove his stinger from the frog's back. A deadening numbness begins to creep into his limbs."You fool!" croaks the frog, "Now we shall both die! Why on earth did you do that?" The scorpion shrugs, and does a little jig on the drowning frog's back.
"I could not help myself. It is my nature." Then they both sink into the muddy waters of the swiftly flowing river.
That is the very definition of self-sabotage.
And, I knew. I knew the people to whom I refer were scorpions when I met them. Yet, I ignored the warning signs and tried to just accept them for who they were... which is what I believe all friends should do.
Like the frog, I disregarded my intuition. I paid for it with stings in the back. While, I didn't drown, they certainly did enough damage that I chose to walk away and leave them there.
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
In true Aquarian fashion, if I don't want to be your friend anymore, I just end it. And, I really won't think about you anymore, unless someone brings you up or something happens that causes my attention to be forcibly drawn to you for some reason. I don't hold onto anger and grudges. I move on and forget- not for your sake, but for my own. My mother always said, "Life is too short to be miserable." I'm not going to be miserable just to make someone else happy.These people were all out of my life by August of last year. I should never have BEEN that important to them at any time in their lives; and certainly not nearly 6 months later.
Misattributed to Einstein, Twain and Ben Franklin, the definition of insanity is "repeating the same behavior and expecting different results."
I realize that it is human nature to badmouth former friends, lovers, etc... and gossip is a tasty treat for many. I'm just not going to do it. Those with whom I'm no longer friends are just that. They don't have some insider information on me that makes it all juicy and delicious. I'm not pretending to be something I'm not, and I'm going to continue to just move forward with my life. I'm not going to badmouth them, point them out, make fun of them, reveal secrets shared between us when we were friends, stalk their pages, or look for ways to diminish them. I have no need nor desire to lower myself to that level.
They are human beings with families, hopes, desires, dreams, loves, and losses... just like me; just like you. While I no longer wish to associate with them, that does not mean I wish them harm. I simply believe that in a world with over 7 billion people, we don't all have to be best buddies to be respectful of one another. I hope someday, they can see it that way, too.